Show up, even when it’s difficult.
Show up, even when it’s difficult.
Show up.
Showing up can be the toughest thing in the world to do, but it’s the thing we should all strive to do for each other.
Every year I have mixed feelings about showing up for the annual Queer the Shelves book festival run by Global Wordsmiths. I’m yet to make it through the event without some form of pre, post or even mid-event meltdown. Over the years my attendance has ran the gamut of trigger and anxiety induced reactions:
- Meltdown at the afterparty, knocked over a glass of cider in my haste to get the hell out of the venue and go hide in our hotel room.
- Tears and panic before we even made it through the doors of the event at the beginning of the day.
- Intense flight or fight response, when you put yourself into a position that your brain doesn’t want to be aka walking into the afterparty and immediately wanting to bolt.
There’s a trillion other situations which I could add to this list, not least this year where I bailed between the day panels and the after party because I don’t like transition periods and thus cried before we got back to the car: which was just NEXT door. Cried on the way home, slept as soon as my head hit the pillow at 8.30pm, and continued to cry and sleep (evade life) for the following days.
So, why do you continue to show up, I hear you ask.
Because it’s important.
In so many ways.
First and foremost, I deal with mental health stuff; currently it’s a bit of a trigger fest. But part of my recovery is therapy which in practice looks a bit like not indulging in avoidant behaviour, whilst also knowing where my boundaries are. And so each year we book tickets, each year as the day gets closer my wife talks me out of bailing multiple times. And every year on the day, she puts my needs above her own to ensure I have what I need to try and participate in something which in theory I enjoy but which in practice is a struggle on a lot of levels. But practice makes perfect, right?
Second, if I have to struggle to be in the same room as other actual people, I’m 100% choosing Queer the Shelves to do it at. It’s the most welcoming, diverse bunch of queers and allies you could hope to find, and it’s becoming more so year on year. It’s superbly well organised and the panels are actually interesting and varied, but there’s also lots of fun and laughter. This year the event moved to a new, bright, and shiny venue at the Central Nottingham Library; Robyn Nyx made sure to send out a when and where document to make arrivals smoother – it’s the attention to detail that counts and doesn’t go unnoticed.
Thirdly, I didn’t grow up around anything like this, events like Queer the Shelves hell even groups of queer people, are still a novelty for me to be around or be a part of. I’m still in my queer education era and as one panelist – ‘Nathan Burgoine said in reference to Queer History – “How do you know, what you don’t know?” Quite simply you don’t, and so events like QTS which bring together a diverse range of folks under the LGBTQIA umbrella is how we all get to both share and create history (and educate those of us who didn’t grow up in a queer utopia.)
Last, but by no means least: use it or loose it.
There aren’t enough queer events and/or spaces (certainly not in Northern England) and even fewer that aren’t centered on alcoholic consumption. For events to continue to thrive and grow, to exist for many more years to come support from within the queer community (and its allies) is paramount. We can’t and shouldn’t complain about what we don’t have, if we don’t support (in any and all capacities) the things that we already do have and the people and organisations who strive to create and run such events.
So I show up.
I’ll continue to show up, whether for an hour, a day, a weekend to support those who gift us experiences we never knew we needed, because we didn’t know it was missing.
Queer the Shelves wouldn’t be possible without the hard work and selflessness of Robyn Nyx and Brey Willows. Their determination to bring audiences this event year after year, to grow it and expand it, to continue to aim high for diversity and inclusivity, and to always ensure a welcoming, safe space, full of queer love, joy and connection does not go unnoticed by each and everyone one of us who are lucky enough to attend.
Thank you being a shining light of inspiration and role models for so many of our community; we are extremely lucky to have you.
P.S. Did I mention the books and the snacks?? Oh, and the stickers, pens, and bookmarks? Maybe the authors, illustrators, audio narrators, comedians or podcast hosts? Nope? Oh well, you’ll have to come check it out for yourself next year…
P.S.S. Show up…
#QueerLitLoft 
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